Almost every day anymore, we are seeing stories on the news of something tragic happening to a child who has been bullied at school. Kids that finally come to a breaking point and just snap, and act way outside of the norm for their age/maturity level, or even for themselves.
Every time, the story is exactly the same...the child snaps and hurts themselves or someone else. The community is rocked by it, and the friends/relatives/acquaintances all say that the child was just so quiet, calm, kept to themselves. The community "never saw it coming."
Just in our own area recently, a twelve year old girl was pushed to the point of committing suicide because she was brought so low as to believe there was no other option for her. She believed that no one cared about her. She thought that she was so hated that she and everyone around her would be better off if she were not here anymore.
This little girl was TWELVE. A BABY! As I type this, I am sitting next to my own son who is about to be twelve. When I look at his young, innocent self, it brings me to tears to think of what on earth could go thru a pre-teen child's mind to make them think that suicide is the only option.
Two of my three kids have had to deal with extensive bullying at some point in their lives. For my eldest, it was a year or two. For my youngest, it's been all of his life. It's the stereotypical crap...he is short and skinny. He wears glasses and is highly intelligent. All of these things, which I find to be beautiful about him are used against him on a daily basis, as if he has any control over his stature or vision.
Every time I've heard a story of a child committing suicide or hurting someone else, I have always thought "that could never be me...I am way more in tune with my kids. I would know if something was that far off with one of them." But would I? Would I really know? Because when I look back at my own childhood, I remember clearly a LOT of things that went on right under my mom's nose, and she never knew. Kids are good at hiding things when they want to.
One of my cousins today posted a little status update on Facebook regarding a situation where she witnessed a situation very similar to what my own son has been through on many occasions. He has been teased, made fun of, beaten up, had his glasses broken....the list is extensive. All because of what? Because he is a good, well mannered, skinny kid?
I've always been angry with the kids that do this....but reading my cousin's post today made me think about this bullying epidemic in a new light. There are efforts all over the US to prevent bullying in schools, but it just occurred to me today, the bigger issue isn't stopping the problem....it's PREVENTING the problem.
Where does bullying start? Where do kids learn to make fun of people for no other reason than that they are a little different? What causes a child to suddenly think it is ok to be cruel to another human being because they weigh a little more, or a little less than the norm. Because they wear glasses. Because they may not excel in a certain area, or because they do excel in others. Because of their sexual preference, their skin color, or religious values. Where does hate originate?
I believe wholeheartedly that it starts at home. I think that we, as parents, teach our children hatred. Maybe some of it is with malicious intent, and maybe some is not...but I think it's the root of the problem, regardless of whether its intentional.
Have you ever laughed at an obese person in the grocery store? Did your kids see you? Have you ever made a crude comment about a homosexual couple at the mall? Have you ever called someone a nerd? Do you throw the word "gay" around as an insult for anything/anyone that you don't care for? Do you use the word "retarded?" Do you call people stupid or dumb because they don't know the answer to a question?
I do. I do each and everyone one of these things....or at least I am certain that I have at one point or another. And I am also certain that my kids have seen it. They have witnessed me being hateful.
Now I'm sure you're thinking "well yeah...but I would never say any of those things to the person's face!"...which might be true....but do your kids know that? Do your kids know that maybe the things you joke about at home are not things you would actually say to someone, because you know they would be traumatizing and hurtful words? Do your kids know that a hateful word can do more damage than a physical assault? Do your kids know that people are just people, and no matter what their differences, we are all beautiful?
Do you remember when your momma used to tell you "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?" Do you practice this?
I believe that the cruel hateful mindset that is the root of most bullying starts at home, with our families. I believe that whether we intend to or not, we are teaching our children that anyone who is not exactly like us is bad and it's ok to make fun.
I am not preaching...because I'm probably more guilty than anyone I know. I'm acknowledging that it's a problem, and that I am going to be more conscientious of what I say about people, because in reality...if it's something I wouldn't say to a person's face, then I certainly shouldn't say it behind their back. I'm going to try a lot harder to adhere to this, and hope that in turn, my children will never be the ones inflicting the pain that others have inflicted upon them.
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